Magic? As if
by Braget
Summary: Bella was not amused. As she stood at her window and stared at the owl, she couldn't even dredge up the smallest amount of surprise. Of course it was an owl. Of course it was, because... well why not? It wasn't leaving. Why wasn't it leaving? She scowled when she spotted a letter. Seriously? Well at least this was rather tame compared to the usually weirdness that happened to her.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Twilight.

Author's Note: Just a random idea that wouldn't leave me alone. Oneshot for now, but I might expand on it at a latter date. I have some ideas, but I kind of want to rewrite EF more since I feel like I rushed through it.

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This had to be some kind of joke, only Bella wasn't getting the punch line. With the letter grasped tightly in her hand she made her way towards the kitchen. She carelessly tossed it onto the counter and began the motions to make up a bowl of cereal. Before she sat down to eat, Bella turned on the coffee maker. Lord knows her mother could be moody without a cup. Snatching up her breakfast, she sat down at the small table to eat. She had only gotten through about half of it before swirling her spoon around in boredom. It was only six in the morning. She never normally got up so early on weekends, but... With a sigh she stood up to throw out her soggy cereal and rinse out her bowl. She had just placed it in the dishwasher when her mom finally walked in.

The girl pulled herself up to sit on the counter and watched in amusement as Renee sluggishly made her way towards the coffee maker. The woman fumbled with her mug as she poured herself some coffee. Bella huffed in annoyance as she spilled the beverage all over the place. In times like this, Bella felt more like the adult in their relationship. As Renee made her way to the table, Bella hopped down and grabbed some napkins to clean up. The girl laughed when she startled her.

"Bella! I didn't see you there. How long have you been up?"

Bella exhaled in resignation before turning to her mother. "An owl woke me up by pecking on my window." The sad thing about that statement was that neither of them were surprised. Weird things always happened around Bella. So by now it was just easier to shrug them off and ignore them. She rolled her eyes at Renee's bemused look and soaked up the spillage before throwing the towels away.

"An owl, huh? So since before dawn then." Renee responded with a raise of her brow. Bella shrugged with indifference. It was already weird enough that an owl was pecking on her window. Better to just leave out the small detail that she'd woken up at five-thirty and the sun was already peeking up over horizon by then. She glanced around till she spotted her letter and walked over to grab it. Bella made her way back to the table to sit opposite of Renee and tossed it in front of her. Renee glanced at it before giving her a questioning look.

"It had a letter tied to it's leg." She explained. At her mother's look of disbelief she shrugged in a what-else-was-I-supposed-to-do sort of way. They both sat there staring at it as if it was cursed or something. Renee took a long sip of her coffee before asking what it said. Bella snorted, "It's a joke. Something about me being accepted into a school for magic. The school has this bizarre name, Hogwick or something and the supply list has got to be bogus. One cauldron? One wand? They could have been more creative then that, like it's such an obvious stereotype."

"You can't really believe it's fake. Why would someone get an owl to deliver it if it was just a prank when it would have been easier to just stick it the mail box." Renee reasoned and reached out to grasp it. She hummed and snorted as she scanned through it's contents. Bella huffed at her mother. Alright, so it was a little extreme for just some prank. But come on, magic? She rolled her eyes. As if.

"Magic isn't real. So if it is legit then we need to move because I am not dealing with crazy witch people." She told Renee. Bella raised an eyebrow in response to the woman's disapproving look. Very clearing telling her, 'Oh, was that rude? Well get over it. Cause you raised me like this'. Her mother sighed and looked upwards as if praying for patience.

"We aren't moving." Renee gave her a firm look. Setting her coffee down, she reread the letter more carefully. Her face grew more and more skeptical as she did. "It says Hogwarts not Hogwick and it looks like the schools in Scotland. There is no way they sent an owl that far." Bella grinned in triumph, but Renee's next actions quickly snapped her out of her brief victory. The woman stood up and shuffled around in search of something. Bella watched as she sat back down and grinned proudly at the mess she returned with. Renee glanced at her and her smile widened. She plucked up a pen and pulled a piece of paper closer to her. "I'm going to send them a reply."

Bella slouched down in her chair and stared at her in disbelief. "You can't be serious. How are you going to send it? It's not like the owl is waiting in my room or something."

Renee paused in her writing with a frown. She looked at her daughter before shrugging. Bella snorted when she went back to writing and told her she'd figure something out. The girl gave her and the letter a dismissive look before mumbling that she was going to her room to read. Renee waved her off with a comment to have fun.

Bella huffed and grumbled the whole way to her room. On the off chance that her mother found a way to send a reply and witches actually showed up on her doorstep. Then Bella would gladly throw all of her books away. Luckily her precious collection was safe, because there was no way magic was real, no way.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Twilight

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She wasn't supposed to answer the door when her mother wasn't home, but after the doorbell rang for the fifth time. Bella let out a hiss of annoyance and figured that whatever lecture she got from her mom would be the lesser evil. She sluggishly stood from the couch with a grumble and made her way to the entry way. This was ridiculous, a normal person would have gotten the idea that perhaps no one was home by now or y'know they'd take the hint that they were unwanted. She felt her eyebrow twitch as the bell chimed again. "I got it already, I'm coming!" The girl huffed under her breath about "some people" and shook her head.

Upon reaching the front door, Bella unlocked it and practically slammed it into the wall in her haste to get this over with quickly. Only to blink owlishly at the woman before her. The girl narrowed her eyes at the other as she scanned over her. Something was off, but she wasn't sure what. With a sigh she lean on the doorway and raised a brow in question at the person before her. The woman answer her look with a stern one of her own. She gave a tight smile back in response, but made no move to speak. With a huff the woman finally cut the silence and got to the point. "Is this the Swan residence?"

Bella felt both her eyebrows raise in surprise at the accent flowing from her voice. The girl was suddenly uneasy. Her mind flutter back to the strange letter sitting innocently on the desk in her room. It said the school was in Scotland, right? And now some strange woman with a Scottish accent was wanting to know where the Swan's were located. Great. She took a deep breath and cursed her luck. Okay, so weird things tended to happen to her a lot. But this seem a little extreme even for her. "Please tell me you're not one of the crazy witch people, because if you are. Then Mom is so going to owe me." She knew they should have moved.

Bella shrugged off the scowl she received and ignored the woman's comment about how she was "perfectly sane". She eyed the woman speculatively which quickly shifted into suspicion when she didn't deny being a "witch" and instead asked once more after the Swan's. "You're half right. Well no, I'm sure there are more Swan's out there, but I get the feeling you're looking for one Swan in particular. But yes, this is the home of one Renee Swan and one Bella Swan. I'm afraid that if you're looking for Charlie Swan then you're in the wrong state completely." The woman gave her an unimpressed look at her tone, but ultimately ignored it. Bella snorted when her next question was if her mother was in and if she could come inside for a chat. Oh yeah, sure. Because Bella always just allowed strangers into her home and had long discussions with them about their "crazy-not-real-magic". She knew something was off when she opened the door. She just wasn't expecting the other to claim to be a witch and try to invite herself in. Well, maybe not claim. But the lady didn't protest it either so, jury's still out on that one.

She had a scathing comment on the tip of her tongue but a car pulling up the driveway held it bay. One lecture about strangers was enough. She didn't need this woman tattling on her for being rude too. Bella caught her mother's look through the windshield and from the look on her face something told her that she should add being grounded to her already lecturing future.

Renee exited her car and plastered a false smile across her face. She swiftly made her way towards them. "Hello, I'm Renee and you are..." Bella held back a snort as her mother trailed off and stared at the woman expectantly. The two of them where so similar yet different at the same time. She smirked when Renee narrowed her eyes as if she'd heard the snort anyways. The older Swan held up her car keys and dangled them in front of her kid's face. She pressed a button and the trunk of the car popped up. "Bella, be a dear and bring the groceries in for me, will you?" Bella scowled in annoyance and made to protest when she caught her mother's smile tightening and her eyes turned challenging. With a huff she moved from the entrance way and down towards the boot of the car. After gathering the few things her mom had run out to get. She closed the trunk and glanced back at her house.

Of course. With a scowl on her face the girl made her way back to the open door that had two less people around it and inside. She shook her head in exasperation and used her hip to shut the door. Only Renee would come home to her eleven year old daughter talking to a stranger and invite them in. Bella made her way back to the kitchen with a pinched expression. She was not surprised to see the stranger and her mom seated at the table with two glasses of water between them. Renee made a gesture for her to leave the bags on the counter and come join them. Bella glance heavenward and let out a small prayer for patience. Now she wasn't overly religious or anything, but heaven knows she needed some kind of outward presence to calm her.

Bella sat down and glance at Renee. "Well, well, mom. What did I tell you?" She waved her hand at the woman across the table and gave her mother an I-told-you-so look. "Crazy witch people. I told you we should have moved." The girl ignored her mom's sharp rebuke of "Bella!" and glared apprehensively at the stranger. "So, witch lady or is it Minerva? I can only assume that's who you are since the other signature, Lucinda, claimed to be 'Chief Attendant of Witchcraft Provisions' or whatever and I doubt they'd make a house visit. So Miss Deputy, what's the deal with this Hogwarts and why do you believe magic to be real? Please explain. I'm afraid I'd never understand otherwise. I'm not delusional you see." So sue her alright. Bella was just a tad salty about the turn of events and even though she hadn't been one hundred percent sure when opening that statement. The shock that slowly turned to disapproval from the woman before her confirmed her suspicions.

Great. She leaned back in her seat and let her eyes drift upwards. Screw it, magic might just be real and a witch may have showed up on her doorstep. But that didn't mean she was actually going to throw all of her books away. So far she only had a letter and her own intuition to go on. No real proof and even then if magic were real. Why was she only hearing about it now? Yeah sure, she glance back at the supposed deputy of the supposed magic school. From the small pieces of conversation she picked up. Bella figured she might as well start packing now. Looks like her mother was dead set on her joining this freakish cult and she wasn't going to get a say in the matter. Yeah, everything was just great.


	3. Chapter 3

Bella trailed along behind her mother and new professor through the crowd. She pointedly tried to ignore the blatant displays of magic happening all around her. It was completely screwing with her world views. This all seemed like some sort of weird dream or something. Her mom had told her to at least act excited, but it was kind of a hard thing for her to do when she was experiencing a large dose of denial. Even after Miss Deputy put on her little show and tell. Not to mention how Renee kept going on and on about how great all of this was. "Oh Bella, we always knew you were special. But magic! I can't wait to see all you learn." Over and over again. Bella was seriously heading towards a breaking point with how annoying it all was. The girl sighed as she thought back to how they had ended up in London, England of all places.

 **-LINE BREAK-**

Bella snorted as the witch lady suddenly withdrew a stick and waved it towards the groceries she'd set on the counter. She shook her head. Not completely convinced anything would happened. Her eyes widened in shock when the few things her mother picked up began to float out of the bags and into the fridge and pantry. What even? As the display of magic drew to a close. Bella whipped her head back towards Minerva and eyed her incredulously. Right, so that'd just happened.

Her attention quickly shifted when her mother began clapping. "Amazing! And you're telling me that with some training. Bella will be able to do things such as that?" Bella stared at her mother. So what if she could? She had managed to put the groceries away just fine with her bare hands before magic. To her, these witches were all just a bunch of lazy people! Spells to put you're groceries away, really? Gees, wasn't there anything more practical. She looked back at the woman sitting before them unimpressed.

Minerva nodded with a slight grin tugging at her lips. Bella's eyes narrowed when she spotted it. Oh, the woman may think she'd won, but Bella wasn't going down without a fight. "But mom. The school is in Scotland right? I mean, that's such a far way from home. Another continent even! Just how long do you think it'd take to send you or dad a letter and just think of our phone bill if you bought me a cellphone to stay in touch!" A not so subtly hint to buy her the cellphone she wanted. It felt like everyone but her had them these days. She shook her head and tried to focus. "Magic sounds cool and all, but we don't even know how much it'd cost to attend. We might not even be able to afford it." Bella smirked slightly when the witch's grin falter and her expression turned hesitant.

Renee frowned as she listened to her daughter's concerns. She eyed the woman in front of her suspiciously. "Just how many other magical schools are there? Also, Bella raises a good point. How much money are we talking about here? I only work as a teacher and Bella's father is chief of police in a rather small town. I don't know if we can afford a large tuition. Not to mention the sheer amount it would cost to get Bella to and from Scotland every year."

Bella hid a smirk as she watched the woman shift uncomfortably and give her mom an uncertain smile. "I'm afraid I'm not well versed in muggle money. Ah, I mean non magical money. I grew up a witch so I don't know the exact exchange rate since I don't keep up with them. I wouldn't be able to give you a clear idea on anything like that. As for Hogwarts. The Ministry of Magic covers the full cost of all students. It's tuition free. Honestly, you would only be paying for supplies."

Bella's smirk slid from her face. Well, there went that. It seemed her mother thought otherwise though. "That's good. Though you still have yet to answer my question about other schools. Scotland really is quite far away and I'm not sure I could convince Charlie to send his daughter across the ocean. He doesn't see her much as it is. Plus, there's still the cost of the plane tickets." Renee glanced upwards with a heavy look on her face. Bella watched her from the corner of her eye. When she brought money into this, she wasn't trying to make her mom feel guilty about anything. The younger Swan frowned. Perhaps she should have kept her mouth shut for once. Bella shifted guiltily and just wished the witch lady would leave already so things could go back to normal.

"The travel cost would be covered by the Ministry as well. Bella would use a portkey, something of an instant traveling device, to and from Hogwarts. As for the other schools. There are quite a few in Britain and one main one here in America. Though I only represent Hogwarts. If Bella didn't receive a letter for any other schools then I'm afraid there's not much I can do." The woman paused and observed the family before her as she thought about what she could do. Minerva wasn't exactly pleased with the idea of losing a student to another school, but Isabella Swan wouldn't be the first nor the last. Sometimes the circumstances worked against her too well. And to think she'd been intrigued by a Hogwarts letter being written for someone in America. "I can bring you to the Magical Congress of the United States and we could find someone there to put us in contact with a representative of Ilvermorny. Though before you make any decisions, perhaps you wouldn't mind seeing the British magical world first. Our bank would be able to sort the issue of cost out for you and you could gain a better understanding on just what Bella would be learning at Hogwarts. After all, it is one of the top magical schools worldwide."

Renee eyed the woman as she trailed off and raised a brow at her in inquiry. "I assume we would use one of these 'portkeys' to get there. How safe is it? Truthfully, you don't need to sell Hogwarts to me, Minerva. If Charlie and I can afford it. Then I'd prefer Bella there since your school reached out to us first. Though I won't put my daughter in danger year round if these portkey things are unsafe."

Bella held in a sigh. Somehow things had turned against her and she was completely being left out of the further conversation. She wasn't even sure she wanted to learn magic. Of course she loved her books and researching different things. Not to mention how much she enjoyed learning new things in general. Honestly, she really should be ecstatic and yet it was the whole concept of magic that held her curiosity at bay. From what she had read from some of her fantasy books, magic defied logic. It concurred supposedly impossible feats when nothing else could. Well, at least that was what all her books on the subject seemed to convey. And the idea of holding that kind of power. Well, it was more than a little intimidating. Bella startled when Renee called her name. She glance up and noticed her mom and Minerva standing to the side of the table and motioning her over.

Bella stood up and approached the duo warily. She wasn't sure, but she had the feeling that she'd missed something big when she had had her inner monologue. What had they been talking about again? Portkeys or something? She opened her mouth to question what was going on when Miss Deputy held out a book and told her to hold onto it tightly. Bella, never one to say no to a new book to read, raised an eyebrow in interest and reached forward to take it from her hands. She frowned and narrowed her eyes at her mother when she did the same. Minerva was offering it to her, thank you very much. Hands off. Bella made to snatch it away when the witch lady utter a strange word under her breath and there was sudden yank from her navel. The girl yelped as her vision began to spin.

 **-LINE BREAK-**

And that's how she ended up sprawled on top of her mom on a dirty floor in some place apparently called the Leaky Cauldron. Gross. Like who's idea was that? Oh sure, it fit the whole witch theme and whatever, but leaky? It just sounded gross. Bella was almost positive that the weird naming thing was a magical thing and not a British thing. It didn't really take too long to cement that fact either. Once the professor had taken them to some hidden entrance to Diagon Alley, she knew. What the hell was a diagon? She could maybe see the name fitting if the person who started the place had the last name Diagon, but according to the witch lady. That was not the case. Bella probably should have expected that. What kind of last name was Diagon anyway? She had given them the benefit of the doubt with the whole culture shift, but now she knew not to do that anymore. Magicals were weird and she'd only even met one of them so far. Still, as she eyed the long flowing robes and stereotypical hats, she gave a slight nod to herself in acknowledgement...Yeah, definitely weird.


End file.
